Under Her Wing

Posted: August 27, 2011 in Story
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It is eight at night, the time when the city lives under white street lights and incandescent vehicle lights. Hungry and angry souls on the way back home, honking at the traffic signal, people running after crowded buses; the city looks ridiculous from any dimension. Nothing seems interesting to a lost girl sitting in a corner of a bus. Her mind is haunted by memories to notice dispersing gloom or quarrelling women.

In a city far from home, striving through several odds, she could fake a smile. But today something was terribly wrong as eyes moved more than lips did. It was not any other exhausting day spending nine hours at work and two hours on road. There was more to pain, the pain had gone beyond the threshold. There was nobody she could cry to, no shoulder to rest her head or no words of warmth. To take her mind off growing sadness, she plugged in to listen to fm.

The famous RJ was blabbering about the discounts and contests in the mall. This didn’t seem to excite shopaholic who used to while away weekends in malls. That is where everything started, one random day, an arranged concert in a famous mall. She being an ardent fan of Pink Floyd immediately fell in love with the lovely sound of guitar. The story from there took several twists and turns. It was a story of ‘Fate is a Bastard.’

In the end all that matters is fame, money and not innocent emotions. This is an anybody’s story. There is no explanation for madness. In the end, everything is fair in love and war. Love goes with wind while memories haunt. Then you have people to preach, life is too short to live with regrets, everything happens for a reason etc.

Coincidence is such a bitch, never lets you forget no matter how hard you try. The song played in radio was ‘Wish you were here’, the same song which made her fall in love. Her sorrows met no ends. The bus arrived at next station, she made her way through the crowd and got down. It was raining but she didn’t want to open her umbrella for she wanted her tears to get lost with the rain. The city’s thirst was quenched but the poor girl wanted to be with her mother. She thought “Mom if you were here, I would hug you and be under your wing.”

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Any South Indian is either an Idli person or a Dosa person. This reminds me of an old joke that my friend once said about her brother’s friend in Chennai. “After Idli, I am the fairest thing here!” I am used to Chennai heat and reek. Now when I go home(Mangalore), I can’t stay without an AC. People from Chennai should be forever grateful to whoever invented AC.

In this post, I want to cover specialties of this traditional metro. If you are from North, I bet you will cry over your misfortune. If you are a South Indian from place other than Chennai  then you would whine but gradually you would get used to the place. (It doesn’t make a difference to North Indians who think all South Indians are Madrasis) No place is heaven or hell. It’s all in people to make it what they want.

Somehow you make up your mind to go challenge fury of Sun and you set out. The first thing is you see is spilled garbage. God, how much can Government alone do other than providing enough dustbins? I don’t think I will growl about this if I stay here some more months. Another point is restaurants here serve Idli and Dosa 24X7. People here have Pongal for breakfast and Idli/Dosa for dinner. (So called Night Tiffin, again a South Indian contribution to the dictionary) A week ago, Dosa was my three important meals of the day!

One Friday as I picked up my Night Tiffin, I saw a girl in a Blue Saree with over a million golden beads. OMG, it reminded me of an old Bollywood song where Amitabh dances with thousand bulbs costume. What a Thousand Watts Smile! Chennai is known for silk, gold and Idli/Dosa. There’s a street in TNagar with big saree and jewelry shops. Needless to say, the place is always crowded!

People here would not know Rakhi Sawant or Karan Johar but they can crack  jokes on Vijay. Whatever it is, no place or nobody is perfect. Our intellect is low because of our ignorance. We have never protested against a lot of meaningless system. We are living in denial becoming dumb citizens of the country. It is time we understood our values.

Please do your best to keep your city clean. Please make it a point to understand what’s happening around!

All the free time in the world has made me totally blank. I now wonder rather ponder about my plans which are now freely floating. My mind goes back to day before yesterday, a random conversation where I felt people think “Marriage is Everything” for a girl. God, is this really 21st century? Well, I would not like to write more about goddamn marriage or goddamn career. Marriage and career are the paths that never converge still both require a really great planning.

This reminds me of those nothing to days at cafeteria. That’s the place where I spent most of my time talking and thinking about “What’s Next” I can’t study further very well knowing where I stand in management or technology. It’s not in me to go sleepless for months and prepare for a bigass entrance. I can’t stay in a fantasy world drooling over some n digit salary and a high class life. I can’t be content with bookish knowledge and hell loads of assignments. What knowledge one gets in these really awesome appearing colleges is something one can attain over time. All that matters is a degree, finally just a piece of paper! I can still hear myself telling a friend, “You don’t want to study further but you have defined a goal and I am sure you will work towards it!” I dreamed of a startup and gave up when I met reality.

My love for technology will someday defeat laziness and I wait for this day to come. For those people who think there is “just one way out”, ignorance is as bad as illiteracy! Being goalless is about exploring options and challenging oneself.

Conclusion: Confusion is good and creativity is at its best only when the mind is confused!

My New Goal:  To acquire “the needed” knowledge and to remain confused!

Where We Stand?

Posted: February 27, 2011 in Random
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Some years ago, I listed out all the good things I could do out of my salary. People think IT professionals earn well and spend hard; the latter is close to the reality. Like daily wage laborers, IT professionals are monthly wage workers who spend all the hard earned rather hard coded money by the monthend! Is it inflation or my luxury requirements or my peace of mind, my salary doesn’t last for weeks! I crib about standard of living and survival knowing saving is next to impossible. I wonder where my dreams are gone! I wonder how my promises are broken! At this rate, we say IT is booming and India is shining!

We need some fucking change out here. The system is screwed up. Nothing is possible here. Politicians are the reason for corruption. These excuses come straight from pseudo patriotic or bidesi dreams lovers. Have we given up on what is supposed to be ours, our thoughts, our rights and our duties. We are blinded by the media and deafened by the society. Here we are, dangerous generation and we are self proclaimed gen cool or the great Indian Idiots.

Other day I came across this wonderful quote, “Liberal Education is supposed to free one from race, religion and even nation” Our present state should compel us to confine our thoughts to the nation. We very well know what is happening! As the saying goes, one man’s gain is other man’s loss, we are losing out to political greed. As a consequence we have barriers in the name of religion, language, caste and everything possible. These barriers delimit our thoughts and belittle us. More they are, more issues arise and we spend time sorting these issues. Thus the development goes downwards.

The debate following Egyptian revolution was “Does India need something similar.” What remains incomprehensive is why the hell we require any such revolution on any other grounds. We are the reason our problems still persist. We are content living a decent life with an average job on hand. We are content letting people exploit us and exploit our people! We are content living in the barricaded region of thoughts. We want a happy life without much of strife. We want all luxuries at our feet with our limited salaries. We want everything easy being lazy.

Like any other angry young Indian blogger, I can write a post with a dozen of fucks and sucks. Writing a post like this doesn’t bring out any sort of patriotism. Our ideas are like sinking ship. If we do nothing about it, it is vigorous enough to drown us. Let’s be the reason for change than calling out for some change. We can change our destinies! Luck is such a stupid word coined by a set of gamblers who know no hard work. It is time we stopped the current blame game and did something serious to sustain our development. Else we will still be buying Chinese goods and one day we will be bought out! Else we will still be posting updates on Facebook and Facebook will become our future!

 

An Unnoticeable Tree

Posted: February 2, 2011 in Life

It is three in the morning and I’m on bed

Exhausted as a day goes down the drain

Half asleep to think over what folks said

Restless, surreal thoughts and my brain

Everyday change is what I fervently hope

Wait never ends, thanks to my great fate

Life is still and smelly, here I see no scope

Hushed voice says work before it’s too late

Work hard, think harder, it will surely pay

What is the point in playing blame game

For my own loss of creativity, all I can say

Is calm down, everywhere it is the same

Is it destiny or my effort that I am here

Like an unnoticeable tree that is dead

I’ve become numb, living with little fear

I need peace for sanity, save my head

 

Wish You Were Here

Posted: January 22, 2011 in Story
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He always wished she was there to share his woes, comfort him and make him smile. She was long gone. He never asked her to stay. He could never tell her the reality. She was a free spirited freak, cracking stupid jokes all the time. Life never asked for seriousness, the situation never demanded openness. That was how things were. It was not how things were supposed to be if sorrows had to be kept away.

Loneliness was not something he could never take. Her words haunted his hollow mind. He pondered over his dumbness, his inability to express. While she wondered why she spent so much time talking next to nothing. She told colorful stories and very colorful lies. She never understood what things were meant to be. It was Almighty’s plans and plans are always crazy.

He moaned, “How long is this gonna last! I am now crying for my past.”  She did miss him. She had no one to understand what she felt. A fool like her would never understand a word from dictionary.  They were breathing same air. It must have been love. Time is cruel enough to set things upside down. Time changed and so did everything. Intensity of sadness dropped, gradually everything returned to normalcy. It was Almighty’s plans and plans are always crazy.

One rainy day they met. Silence spoke the unspoken. The freedom of friendship was erased. He could not fake a smile. His eyes said, “I’m lost, don’t come back.” She was hurt and could not utter a word. She faked a smile that got covered by a tear drop that flowed down. He walked closer, he wanted to confront. She indicated him to go away. He stood bewildered till a man held her hand. He laughed at his misery. She waved at him and her eyes said, “Wish you were here.”

 

Woke up with a stupid feeling, how I could forget to tell my best friend about my posting. Half asleep, half awake, sent a text message. She called me and said “Nothing to worry, you are moving from one coast to another hotter coast. So chill, beware of everything that can go wrong.” Conversation continues, here comes a piece of unforgettable advice. “Loser, you will be professional in some days.  Be selfish, if you think you are sweet then you are a dimwit. Stop whining, people don’t give a damn about your problems. Sympathy doesn’t change your plight. There are people who find your pain and strain a joke. Professionals are supposed to be strong and eccentric. In the end, all you need for cup of life is peace of mind.”

With this in mind, I came to Chennai. I don’t want to write about people here or new place. A whiner in me changed me to snob, there starts my story. It is always easy to criticize and act annoyed. Don’t compare me with Alette Peters of Tell Me Your Dreams. My friend in Mangalore had just one thing to say about all my complaints. English August, go break free, plan an escape. I am not a failure like Agastya Sen, who couldn’t discover himself. Else, yawn, do something creative. My creativity died long ago. By the end of the day, I am a tired soul and my brain goes off. I have become comfortably dumb that I found it difficult to write a post.

In a place overtly obsessed with movie, politics and clothes (especially silk and gold) people have accepted terrible roads and improper drainage system. Tanned skin, poor faces, certain money hungry souls. Rich gets richer and poor is pushed to poverty. Autos run without metre. City buses look like they are coated with all dust in the city. This reminds me of second day, a bus would almost mow me down. Left with bruise on two fingers and black dust on hand. I learned to be cautious, after all it’s my life. How can I forget eve teasing (This is an Indian word!) Bearing it has become a part of everyday life.

There are ups and downs every day. If everything worked the way we wanted then words like surprise and astonish wouldn’t exist. Influence of Marcus Aurelias’ philosophy brought about peace. Every morning, I wake up and tell myself, I am going to meet people who are innocently dumb. They will hurt me, save them and save me. No stopping for whiner. When irritation transcended saturation, I realised all I needed was composure. Buddha realised under a tree, some days of independent life, everyday hassle and tussle was enough to understand incomprehensible lessons. Life is the best teacher. It teaches one how to survive and it is upto individual to become the strongest in order to survive.

One random day, I got to know about a sweet altruist friend. “I never get pissed off. I never feel bad. I forget” put me to thinking. Taking silly issues into head spoils tiny brain meant for doing something creative. It is people who matter and not the place. Peace is the first step to success.

I don’t want to study further and rack my brain. I don’t believe in marks or any entrance. My dreams of start-up died, died for several reasons. I am still an optimist and rationalist. Every bad or helpless circumstance paves way for betterment.

A random line from a random book, “You understand a person, you will either love or hate the person